You see, I hear folks talkin’ ’bout this horoscope South Africa thing. They say it’s all about the stars and how they affect your life. Sounds like a load of hooey to me, but my neighbor, she swears by it. Says it helps her figure out her day. I don’t know, seems like a lot of fuss for nothin’.
This horoscope stuff, it’s got all these fancy names. Aries, Taurus, somethin’ called a Gemini. What in tarnation is a Gemini? Sounds like a disease. And then there’s Cancer, Leo, Virgo… like that girl down the street, always cleanin’ and fussin’.
They say each one of these zodiac signs means somethin’ different. One’s supposed to be fiery, another one’s stubborn like a mule, and another is all watery and emotional. I reckon people are just people, stars or no stars. You got your good ones and your bad ones, just like apples in a barrel.
This daily horoscope is like a weather forecast, I guess. But instead of rain or shine, it tells ya if you’re gonna have a good day or a bad one. If you’re gonna find money or lose your teeth. It is just like readin’ tea leaves, if you ask me.
Some folks, they check their horoscope every single day. They won’t make a move without seein’ what the stars have to say. My neighbor, she won’t even buy a lottery ticket unless her horoscope says it’s a lucky day. Seems mighty silly to me, livin’ your life by the stars.
- Aries is the first one, they say.
- Taurus, that’s like a bull, right?
- Gemini, that’s the one that sounds like a sickness to me.
- Cancer, Leo, Virgo… Lordy, there are a bunch of ’em.
- Libra, Scorpio, Sagittarius… it just goes on and on.
Astrology predictions, that’s what they call it. Predictin’ the future based on where the stars are. I reckon the only one who knows the future is the good Lord upstairs. And He ain’t tellin’ us through no stars.
They got this thing called a rising sign too. I don’t rightly know what that means. It is about where the stars are when you come to this world, i think. Sounds complicated. It is not as simple as seein’ a groundhog and knowin’ if there’s gonna be more winter.
If you wanna read your birth horoscope, they say you gotta do a bunch of steps:
- First, you gotta check somethin’ called the “ascendant degrees.” No idea what that is.
- Then, you gotta find the “ascendant lord.” Sounds like a king or somethin’.
- Then the moon and the sun.
- And the other planets.
- And somethin’ called aspects.
- Finally, functional malefic and functional benefice planets.
Now, this Virgo, they say it means “virgin” or “maiden.” It’s the sixth zodiac sign. And the sun is in Virgo from August 23 to September 22. Don’t ask me why, it just is.
And Scorpio, that’s the eighth one. Like a scorpion, I suppose. They say these zodiac signs all have somethin’ to do with the time of year you’re born. But I think folks are just born when they’re born. It is the same with the crops, the stars don’t plant ’em, the farmers do.
I heard some folks say the horoscope tells ’em when to be “industrious.” Sounds like they’re sayin’ it’s a good day to work hard. Well, every day’s a good day to work hard, far as I’m concerned. Don’t need no stars to tell ya that. Every day you gotta work hard to make the ends meet. It is just life.
Some folks spend good money on this horoscope stuff. They buy books and pay people to read their charts. I’d rather spend my money on somethin’ useful, like a new pair of shoes or a good pie. Or somethin’ for the grandkids. That is what really matters. Not those stars.
Horoscope South Africa, horoscope, zodiac signs, daily horoscope, astrology predictions, rising sign, birth horoscope, Virgo, Scorpio… it’s all just a bunch of words to me. I reckon if you want a good life, you gotta work hard, be kind to your neighbors, and trust in the good Lord. That’s all the horoscope you need.
