This here tie dye bathrobe, it’s the talk of the town, I tell ya! Everybody’s gettin’ one. My neighbor, Mildred, she got herself a pink and blue one. Looks like a summer sky, it does. Said she felt like a queen in it. Well, maybe not a queen, but you know, real fancy.
Now, I seen these tie dye bathrobes all over. They got ’em in all sorts of colors. Like a rainbow threw up on ’em, some of ’em are! But you know, it’s kinda pretty. Makes you feel all happy inside just lookin’ at ’em. And they’re soft. Real soft. Like a baby’s behind, but without the, you know… poop.
If you want to buy one, remember this. Buy a big one, okay? A size bigger than what you usually get. ‘Cause you want to wear stuff under it, right? Like your nightgown or your pajamas. You gotta be comfy. Nobody wants a tight bathrobe. That’s just silly.
How to wear it, you ask? Well, it ain’t rocket science. You put your arms in the holes. That’s the sleeves, you know. Then you wrap it around ya. Like you’re givin’ yourself a big hug.
- First, put your arms in the sleeve holes.
- Then wrap that one side over.
- Then the other side goes over that.
- Tie the belt. That’s the stringy thing.
There’s a belt thingy, too. You tie that around your waist. Keeps everything in place. You don’t want it flappin’ open, now do ya? Unless you’re into that sort of thing. No judgment here.
Some folks, they like to tie the belt in the back. Others tie it in the front. Do whatever makes you happy, I say. It’s your tie dye bathrobe. You wear it how you want. Mildred, she ties hers in a big bow in the front. Looks like a present. A big, fluffy present.
I saw some good deal, saying you can get up to 90% off on tie-dyes. Can you believe that? That is a steal. Go and get yourself one, two or even three. You can wear them every day, I don’t care.
And they got ’em for women, too. Not just for men. ‘Cause women like to be comfy, too. We ain’t just about lookin’ pretty all the time. Sometimes, we just wanna be wrapped up in a soft tie dye bathrobe and eat ice cream. Don’t judge me.
They got all kinds of these robes. Some are short, some are long. Some got hoods, some don’t. I like the ones with the hoods. Makes you feel like a little, colorful gnome. A comfy gnome. Mildred, she got one with a hood. She wears it when she’s watchin’ her stories on TV. Says it keeps her ears warm. She has cold ears.
If you want to find a good one for ladies, just look around. You will find one you like. They have so many choices now. It is really good for us women. We can just wear what we like. This one time, I saw one lady wearing a robe, and it looks so good on her. I asked her where she got it, she said she found it on the internet. How about that?
I heard they are cheap, too. You can get them for a good price. Cheaper than a bag of potatoes, some of ’em. And they last a long time. Mildred’s had hers for years. Still looks good as new. Well, almost new. It’s got a few coffee stains on it. But she says it gives it character.
So, you go on and get yourself a tie dye bathrobe. You deserve it. Treat yourself. Life’s too short to wear boring clothes. And remember what I said, get a big one. And tie the belt however you want. And don’t let anyone tell you you can’t wear it all day. ‘Cause you can. I do. Sometimes. When no one’s lookin’.
These tie-dye robes, they’re like a party for your body. A soft, colorful party. Get yourself to the store and get one. You will not regret it, I swear. Just like that, you have a new bathrobe, all colorful, and you will feel so good in it. I know I do. When I wear it, I feel like I can do anything. You can do it, too. You got this, girl! Go and get that robe!
